Last year a priest from my church invited me to talk with him after I had shared that I was going through a difficult time. During our talk, I told him more about the different losses I was struggling with and how long these losses had been hurting without much relief. Throughout our talk, the priest said a few things I’d heard before which have never brought much comfort- that everything happens for a reason, and that it may be all part of God’s plan. But toward the end of our time together, he reminded me of the story of Jesus and the fishermen disciples, which I read when I got home.
“One day as Jesus was preaching on the shore of the Seas of Galilee, great crowds pressed in on Him to listen to the word of God. He noticed two empty boats at the water’s edge, for the fishermen had left them and were washing their nets. Stepping into one of the boats, Jesus asked Simon, its owner, to push it out into the water. So He sat in the boat and taught the crowds from there. When He had finished speaking, He said to Simon, ‘Now go out where it is deeper, and let down your nets to catch some fish.’ ‘Master,’ Simon replied, ‘we worked hard all last night and didn’t catch a thing. But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again.’ And this time their nets were so full of fish they began to tear. A shout for help brought their partners in the other boat, and soon both boats were filled with fish and on the verge of sinking. When Simon peter realized what had happened, he fell to his knees before Jesus and said, ‘Oh, Lord, please leave me- I’m such a sinful man.’ For he was awestruck by the number of fish they had caught, as were the others with him. His partners, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, were also amazed. Jesus replied to Simon, ‘Don’t be afraid. From now on you’ll be fishing for men.’ And as soon as they landed, they left everything and followed Jesus.”
Luke 5:1-11
There’s so much about this story that is meaningful. At the beginning, Jesus notices a sign that the fishermen had given up- their empty boats left behind on shore. It was this empty space where Jesus chose to step into and speak.
When Jesus commands Simon to take his boat out into deeper waters, Simon’s immediate thought is how they’d been working all night- the long expanse of time he’d been trying with no change in circumstances.
After they retrieved miraculous numbers of fish from following Jesus’ command, Simon was in awe and knelt at the feet of Jesus. His response to Jesus, “please leave me,” could have arisen from guilt over his first response of doubt; it could have also been from feeling unworthy of experiencing such a miracle of God’s. But Jesus does not chastise Simon; He first comforts him by telling him not to be afraid. Then He shares the purpose of his life: to be a fisher of men.
This response from Jesus makes me think that Simon’s initial thoughts were not so much from doubting the power of God, but from the magnitude of his misery. As Christians, we’re encouraged to always believe the word of God and trust in His goodness. I think we’ve all been in awe of someone we’ve seen who, despite all the challenges in their life, is able to show a positive spirit and speak with hope. It’s easy to feel guilty and less of a believer when we don’t respond in such a way or feel overcome by the weight of our pain. But Simon’s choice shows us the goodness that comes with following Jesus while feeling hopeless.
At the end of my talk with the priest, he told me, “You still have your net. Go out into deeper waters.”
It’s a beautiful thing to follow God’s commands without any doubt, to do His will with energy and joy. But there’s seasons of our lives where it’s hard to just make it through the days, where we’ve been through so much loss and pain that it’s hard to imagine life hurting any less and difficult to envision what good could come in our future. In those seasons, it’s a beautiful thing to still obey God’s command to keep going, even if the first thought that comes to our mind is how long we’ve already been out in the water. No matter what we’ve lost, we never lose God and the choice to follow Him. In our darkest times, may we trust and follow God’s call to go out into deeper waters.