When I was in Catholic grade school where we attended Mass every Friday, there was one song we sang very often called “Companions on the Journey.” Nothing about the song really stood out to me during those years beside the fact that we sung it so often that it was almost like a theme song of the school. I knew all the lyrics and could sing it on the spot even now. Because most of the students had it memorized, it held a special sense of familiarity. If I had to describe the song in one word, it would be “togetherness.” As the title hints, the song describes how we are called to be there for each other as Christians and journey through life together.
Last year I reconnected with a classmate from this school. I had recently joined a young adult faith group at my church and had been to a few of their biweekly meetings. One evening, I walked into the meeting room and saw this classmate sitting at the table. I hadn’t seen her in over ten years since we graduated high school. After the meeting we talked for a bit in the hallway. I asked her what made her want to join the group. She said she had recently gotten back into her faith but said that it was a longer story. She asked if I had time to get dinner with her and continue the conversation. So we met up at Applebees. We caught each other up on our lives since graduation, summarizing the highs and lows and how we ended up back in our hometown. She told me her story and journey over the last few months out of a lifestyle that didn’t align with her faith, one that’s very difficult to turn away from. She shared that she had started reading the Bible and praying the rosary and over time, this led her to take a “leap of faith,” out of this lifestyle and back into the arms of Jesus. I was so amazed by her story and the strength it took to turn away from her old life she’d been living for many years and turn towards God. She shared how much she was still struggling, that she still had a lot of darkness, temptations, and battles to fight on a daily basis, but that she was doing her best to trust God through it all. I shared with her where I was too, how I ended up here. I shared my journey with depression brought about by life’s heartbreaks and grief. Our stories were different, but we shared something in our struggles – how life did not turn out like we imagined, how every day feels like a battle, and that the future felt so uncertain. We also shared something in our hope – that hope itself right now was less about a particular occurrence happening in our lives and more about being able to cling to God every day and not fall deeper into darkness.
That was the beginning of our reconnection. And I was already amazed by God bringing into my life a new old friend. I was already in awe of Him using our sharing of struggles to bring each other hope.
Over the last several months, God has continued to amaze me by using this friend and I to be there for each other in hard times. We somehow end up at the same Mass at times we’re feeling particularly low without planning it (there’s 3 English Masses every Sunday + 1 on Saturday). We have prayed for each other in the parking lot, shared how we’re struggling, or some days that we are doing well and feeling more peace in our lives.
I’ve been amazed by the timing of God, how he uses people to reach each other and bring each other to Him. It has made me think about the fruits of suffering, and the paradox of suffering. How suffering feels so unbearable at times you wish it would go away. You pray for relief, for God to do a miracle and take it from you. And yet, it’s my suffering that makes me able to connect to the suffering of another. When I think of that truth, it makes it harder at least in that moment to wish it away. I do wish my friend would be healed; I wish she wasn’t in despair and hurting. I wish she could be on the other side of her struggle and not have to battle so hard sometimes. I would be happy if she told me that a miracle had happened and she woke up without the pain. I pray for her to find healing. But I’m blessed that we happen to be going through our sufferings at the same time. Our moments praying in the parking lot aren’t happy, but they are blessed; they are good.
This togetherness recently reminded me of the song, “Companions of the Journey.” A few weeks ago I shared with my friend that that’s what we are- companions on this journey. The chorus goes:
We are companions on the journey, breaking bread and sharing life
And in the love we bear is the hope we share
For we believe in the love of our God, we believe in the love of our God
There’s been other companions on the journey the last few years of my life. And I see God’s loving hand in every example. Sometimes the companions are there for seasons, sometimes just for a few moments.
There was a coworker I had in another department. He worked with us for maybe six months until I noticed he’d been gone for several weeks. One day he came back to return items to his supervisor, and from my office I overheard their conversation. He explained to his boss that he was having a rough time mentally, that sometimes his “mind works against” him and it’s too much of a battle to function. After returning his items, he walked out the building. What he said had struck me because I understood how hard mental battles are to deal with. It was about lunch time so I walked to another building to have lunch with a friend. On the way, I saw this old coworker sitting at the bus stop. I thought about going to talk to him but didn’t know what I would say. My body on autopilot, making this routine lunch-time walk over to the next building, continued without pause. When I got to my friend’s office, my friend started talking to me but as he spoke, I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t stop thinking about the old coworker sitting at the bus stop and what he had shared with his boss about his struggles. And there he was at the bus stop. It was a chance to tell him something and I didn’t take it. Overwhelmed with these thoughts, I told my friend, “I’ll be right back” and power-walked out of the building towards the bus stop. There he was still waiting. On the way there I thought “I don’t know what I’m going to say.” I didn’t have a plan. But I knew I wanted him to feel even for a moment that he wasn’t alone and that someone cared for him. When I got to him, I told him that I had heard him in our building and that I was sorry he was having a hard time. He shared what was going on, that mental battles come up now and then for him, and that in those times he struggles with dark thoughts. I listened to him and he shared that he was planning on going to a rehab to get help. I told him again that I was sorry he was going through this and that I felt for what he is struggling with because I have experienced similar battles and dark thoughts that make daily life hard. We talked more and I told him I would be praying for him. I could see the pain in his eyes, absent of the glint he used to have in the office while cracking jokes. I can’t say that our conversation made him feel better, but I do think and hope that it was a few moments where he felt seen and cared about. I haven’t heard from him again but I continue to pray for him and hope for healing for him. I know that God led me to him that day, that Jesus swapped my heart (unsure of what to do and say) for His, that runs to the hurting person always. I had this thought of “why am I going through this suffering if I see another hurting person and just walk past them?” that made me turn back. I thought about what makes our suffering meaningful – if we use it to connect with someone else and be with each other in the hurt. This conversation and other ones I’ve had brings me a sense of peace, that God is working through us, that there is a purpose to the pain. And that, while I often wish certain pains never happened, they have brought me to other hurting souls, to be companions on the journey for each other even if only for ten minutes.
I’m grateful for all the companions God has brought me, and those God has led me to. It’s the blessing within our suffering, paths we make together through particular days or certain moments – those reminders that there he is or there she is, hurting too, trying to make it too. That we are not alone in feeling lost in the darkness, trusting as much as we can, believing in the love of our God, and letting that be enough. God blesses us and is with us through our companions on the journey.