When I was in a long distance relationship, my friend and I stumbled across a website called Loving from a Distance, which was started by a long distance couple that offers advice, inspiration, and other resources for couples in long distance relationships. They also have a small selection of gifts and my friend and I ordered their matching bracelets that say “love knows no distance.” I remember feeling a sense of comfort while wearing the bracelet throughout the day. It felt like I was carrying a piece of my friend with me everywhere I went, and it was a happy reminder that I had someone who loved me thousands of miles away. From that time of long distance, I learned how there are so many ways to love someone even while you aren’t physically with them, like sending letters and handmade gifts, planning surprises, and talking often. I learned of ways to be creative with my love that I otherwise would not have had the chance to practice. When you are away from someone you love, it takes some extra effort to show your love, but that extra effort means so much.
In the last few years, I have struggled with the loss of loved ones in different ways and missing people I love that are not in my life anymore in one way or another. While years ago I happily learned how many ways you can love someone from a distance, I have now learned that there’s just as many ways to grieve someone who is gone in some way. A person you love can be gone from this earth; they can be alive but no longer in your life; or they can be in your life but not who you need them to be. During this time of loss, I read a quote that said “Grief is love with nowhere to go.” At that time, this quote described perfectly the pain in my heart that I felt. At times I could feel physical pain from the love I still had in my heart that had no outlet. I felt it on loved ones’ birthdays where I woke up thinking of what kind of cake I would make the person if they were still here. I walked past items in the store I would have bought as a gift for them. I traveled to beautiful places I wanted them to see. I heard funny things I knew they would laugh at and wished I could tell them. Each of these moments made my heart hurt, and I know that the aching feeling was that love inside that had nowhere to go.
In these times, I tried to stay close to God and pray. Prayer often felt like the only thing left I could do. I prayed for myself. I prayed over situations and I prayed for miracles. And sometimes I prayed for people I loved and lost. Before I started praying for people I loved that were no longer in my life, I had a small sense of fear that praying for them would make the pain even worse and would leave a lingering reminder of what’s been lost. But I found that in praying for them, I was actually left with a sense of peace that was stronger than any other method of healing I tried. While praying for the people I loved I realized that prayer is how we love from a distance. And I thought about that quote I had read and identified with about grief being love with nowhere to go. In my quiet moments of prayer, I felt that actually my love was going somewhere. My love did have an outlet and prayer was it. I realized how without God, that quote would be true; our love really would have nowhere to go. But because of God, our love always has somewhere to go.
I’ve become grateful for prayer now. I think it’s amazing how God gave us a way to keep loving when the world leaves us with no other options. The world tells us that love is transactional, that when there is no love being given to you, you need to put away yours. That when a story has ended, you hide all reminders and run to a new source of happiness. The world rarely dares us to keep loving, but God does all the time. It’s clear through the gifts He has given us- prayer being one of the greatest gifts He has blessed us with. I’m in awe of how prayer, love, and faith all work together. Prayer is how we continue to love. And it requires faith to pray, to believe that your prayers matter and are going somewhere.
It’s a comfort to know that no matter how we may lose someone, God has ensured that there will always be a way to love them. May our prayers bring us peace and may we be brave enough to answer God’s dare to love from a distance.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
1 John 4:11